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Author Archives: dreamingthruthetwilight

About dreamingthruthetwilight

A fifty plus year old female who loves life in all its nuances, who loves people of all shades, who has a weakness for the well written word and a subtle strain of music, who loves to travel, who is fascinated by nature and who abhors religion in its divisive manifestations

Take us home


We don’t know why we’re here
Far away from our hearth and home
All we know now is gnawing fear
And an abiding gloom

We don’t know why wars are waged
Or why landmines lie in the grass
We don’t know of barricades or borders
Or the punishment for trespass

We don’t know why we were snatched away
From loving arms and hearts
We’re too young to gauge the wisdom
Of shattering a “whole” into parts

Our limbs are too little, our sobs too soft
Will you hear us above the din?
Will you take us back to the warmth we know
Forgiving us our sins

Of hoping to grow in a better world
Where love builds cosy nests
And the songs of Spring echo all around
After seasons of unrest.

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Posted by on June 20, 2018 in Community, Poetry

 

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Conversations with myself


So much happening around you. Do you need to talk?
“Yes, I do and nobody listens to me better than you. Do you have time to do that?
Oh yes….lots of time…go on. Are you happy with yourself?
“Most of the time now, yes. Gosh, but it’s taken me a lifetime to get here.”
Why wasn’t it easy earlier ?
“Too many guidelines from too many sources that would make me judge myself . I would qualify on many counts and fail miserably on others. I was confused.”
But you did keep talking to me, didn’t you? I remember your conversations from the time you were a kid.
“Yes…and thank goodness for that.”
You were about to say , thank God for that and then changed it to goodness. Why?
“Because the second I take God’s name so many images that have been superimposed from outside take over and I don’t like some of those images. “
You mean Allah’s image of a vindictive old man who is waiting to pounce on you for not worshipping him enough?
“No…not just Allah. I don’t like the images of the Hindu Gods either who were introduced to me as divine beings but with all the weaknesses of humans and all this high and low of castes and all that. I kind of like Jesus . He is cool and seems to personify the loving , forgiving, all embracing image most. But then, he cannot be God himself. Buddha talked about nothingness . I don’t want to think of God as nothingness either. It should be everythingness, right?”
Okay, let’s drop that and talk about more mundane things. Are you happy with the way you’ve conducted yourself?
“Not all the time. I’ve been responsible for disharmony many times, whenever I was focussed more on myself . But I haven’t honestly wanted anyone to be unhappy. I haven’t robbed or killed or been really jealous. No that’s not true. I’m a non-vegetarian. Lots of animals and birds have been killed in my name.”
But that’s okay , don’t you think? You have to have nourishment to survive. That is a basic requirement of nature. Killing for sustenance of your physical existence seems to be the way nature seems to have ordained it.
“I’m not so sure…may be when there is no other source of food and may be when you are wired to eat only flesh. That definitely isn’t the case with me. I can stay off eating non-veg and still survive. So do I really need to take another life?”
Okay , let’s forget that for now. Can you love without conditions of religion, nation, caste, region, language, colour of skin, looks, gender ..the works?
“Yes, I can. I most definitely can. I always have. I always will.”
Is that just a private thing ?What if you are put to the test? What if your son wants to marry someone of his choice who breaks all those parameters? Will you be okay with that?
“ I most certainly will . All I would want is their happiness. “
But will you be okay with being side-lined by your society for that? Those lines are being drawn more emphatically now . People are ready to kill for so called honour.
“What do YOU think? Is love conditional?”
I don’t think so. You can condition yourself to think so, but in itself it is not.
“ So too with God, right? Don’t you feel most at peace and blissful when you imagine that none of us exists in these forms that we are attired in and there is nothing but a knowing silence and there is a gentle breeze and fragrances and lilting music which is part of the silence, where each of us that ever lived is there and yet not there ? “
Yep. But …tell me this . Are you feeling proud of yourself at this moment?
“Oops! I can’t escape you, can I? There is no pride when I’m lost in that moment. But now when I’m talking to you…perhaps . We can work on that right ?”
Sure. Are you scared to die ?
“ I was. Not of hell or anything like that. I was scared of being lonely, of being wrenched away from the people I loved , of never being able to communicate with them, of this thought that I would no longer be part of their lives, of forgetting all the wonderful moments of connection with others that I’ve experienced, of forgetting what it is to be alive”
And now?
“ Now I’m dead sure that is not going to be like that. I think all we have to do is to click on “save” when those moments of pure love and connection settles in our hearts and delete everything else and then hey presto, it’s all there just the way you wanted it when the disrupted electricity comes on again. Who knows , may be there is an auto-save mechanism too! C’mon, we are talking of an all encompassing , benign whatever you want to call it. So no worries about dying now.”
Glad we had this discussion, right?
“Sure am. So glad you are there for me. Let me give you a hug” 

 

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Ouch!!!!! That hurt


My teeth haven’t been giving me too much trouble all these years, except for a couple of small cavities which I had got filled as soon as I became aware of them. I have been taking good care of them, brushing them very diligently in the morning and at night. Lately,though,I’ve been giving the nightly routine a miss.

Now it appears that too much enthusiasm about dental hygiene isn’t all that good either. A few months ago, when sensitivity in my left upper canine and first two molars increased, I had a dentist in my hometown, who told me that I’d been brushing too hard and that had caused the teeth bone to be worn away near the roots. She filled it up . It took a few minutes and cost me the very reasonable amount of Rs. 900/

For the past several days, the molar next to them had become extremely sensitive and I haven’t been able to even swill water on that side of my mouth without wincing. I couldn’t put off another visit to the dentist. It got that bad.

So there I was, lying prone on the chair/couch or whatever after the preliminary questions of what brought me in etc. Then she asked me to open my mouth to have a look. To make a long story short, I wasn’t given a chance to close it till she had finished doing a root canal, measurements taken for the crown that is to be fitted on Thursday and the molar prepared appropriately for the capping to be done.

In between , x’rays were taken , two other small cavities discovered and filled, the gums needled to make them numb and drilling and dredging done in places which I couldn’t identify because I couldn’t feel anything. I could hear the sounds though and smell the bone particles, which I think was simultaneously suctioned by her assistant . Everything was explained perfectly to my daughter who sat there at a little distance with my grandson, as if I was not there at all and it wasn’t my mouth that was being excavated. It was more as if she was just giving a lecture to a classroom full of aspiring dentists.

My mind’s antenna kept sending signals about the need to ask her about how much this procedure was going to cost. But I was open-mouthed and my daughter was similarly dumbfounded by the constant stream of inputs .My tooth was in a precarious condition and it was the best that could she do to save it . She would try her best or else it would have to be removed and so on. While she was at it, she also discovered that the surfaces of all my molars were being flattened. Did I have a habit of grinding my teeth ? May be I did it at night unknowingly , while sleeping. No problems…she could give me something that I could keep in my mouth while sleeping , so that that piece of rubber could be at the receiving end if any gnawing was carried out.

Finally, we were seated at her table while she she was totalling up the charges and gave the calculator to her assistant to cross check. I get it all wrong sometimes , she explained. My daughter had taken out her card. I don’t know if her breath was bated…mine was.

With good reason…it was a whopping Rs. 19000/
The medicine wore off long ago , but I am still numb.
Ogden Nash couldn’t have described it better, but I have to say that his poem was incomplete. He would have added a few more stanzas had he visited a dentist in Bengaluru.
https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/it-is-just-going-to-hurt-a-little-bit/

 
5 Comments

Posted by on February 18, 2018 in Personal

 

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European diaries -1


We were an excited threesome..me, my daughter and grandson.
When my kids were small,I had taken them around to several places in India, which has such a rich and varied tapestry of topography,culture, language , diet , dress and history that every trip just whet the appetite for more travel. I would like to believe that those jaunts helped to widen their perspectives about how different we are in many ways and yet so much the same under it all.

The fact that I was then working for the Indian Railways and was able to avail free travel facilities by train anywhere in the country as also stay in comfortable guest houses built by the organisation at all important places throughout the land, at highly subsidised rates did help the budgetary limitations.

Well the kids have grown up . Daughter decided that it was now her turn to take me around. She needed a break herself and the little one is a cool traveller, without too much of crankiness and quite adaptable to new scenes and scenarios.

It was one of those package tours arranged by the travel agency, “Make my trip”. It would take us through six countries in Europe. Everything would be arranged for. Breakfast would be at the hotel we were staying and dinner would be arranged every night at one of the Indian restaurants in the city we were in .

So I applied for a passport and before we knew it we were ready to take off from the airport at Bangalore. From there to Mumbai and another connecting flight to Dubai and then the final lap which took us to Paris. Those of us who were from Bangalore were joined by the others in the group at Dubai and as we gathered together outside the Paris airport, we looked at each other and smiled.

It was evening by the time we checked in at the hotel. The view outside was beautiful. Autumn was just setting in and the leaves on the trees had begun to change colour.

A couple of hours later, we were on the bus that took us to the heart of Paris . Our first stop was at the Eiffel Tower.

Imposing it was, a towering structure of wrought iron , which was visible against the skyline much before we actually arrived near it. I guess it has something to say for engineering skills and so on. For me, awe has to find its way to my heart and this edifice didn’t do that for me. Not a right thing to say perhaps 🙂

But the view from the top was beautiful.The city twinkled in the darkness .

Later the bus took us around to have a glimpse of the main attractions of the city by night , the Lovre, Dome of Les Invalides, Arc de Triomphe , Champs de Elysees and so on. we alighted from the bus at certain places for photoshoots. Some places were out of bounds that night because of some traffic restrictions.

We just had the next day to go around. We could either set out on our own or be on the bus that would take us to Disneyland for which trip we would have of pay separately. Disneyland itself had two sections, onw with all the major rides and the other which were more aligned for children with a lot of shows . We chose the latter keeping in mind that it would be quite a highlight for the little kid. So we had to give the “city by day” a miss.

No regrets. Disneyland was thoroughly enjoyable both for the kid and for us adults.  Posting some photos here.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on February 15, 2018 in Travel

 

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Living and letting go


 

dewdrops

Let our lives  dance lightly on the edges of Time
Like dew on the tip of a leaf..”
Reflecting the light of love and joy
Through it’s passage brief.

Let no thoughts dull the radiance
Nor yearn to keep clinging on
Let go with grace when the time comes
And the circle will be done.

 

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 14, 2016 in Photography, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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I am and I’m not .


sun-in-a-aglassI(

(Photograph taken by my friend Arun Azhakesan)

 

I  can, if I want to , capture the setting sun

And  make it sit in my glass of water

I can if I want to  give the skies a run

And  then make it sleep  inside my decanter.

 

I can , if I want to, hold the world in my arms

And sing to it a soothing  lullaby

I can, if I want to , set the sun and skies free

I can be the deep ocean and the limitless sky

 

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The stream of love


All we need is a spark of imagination
That’ll fan into a raging flame
That devours the devils of hate
Who struggle intently our hearts to maim .

All we need to soothe our souls will be
The remembrance of a shared melody
To reclaim that timeless song of love
From the surrounding cacophony.

All we need are some sprightly showers
Of bubbling smiles and outstretched hands
That awaken springs deep down below
And make gurgling streams in the desert sands

http://palestine.trendolizer.com/2016/10/sbs-news-thousands-of-israeli-and-palestinian-women-have-spent.html

 
 

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