I’ve just been cleaning my refrigerator. It looks “cool” now , the vegetables neatly stacked on the racks and the bottles of pickles, tomato sauce etc all accessibly arranged. Now there’s enough space to keep more bottles of water which now gains priority with the steady rise in temperatures.
I was putting away the lemon and mint leaves when this thought ran through my mind. .I don’t forgive easily when someone I trust lets me down. This is the story…
I have this habit of loyalty to particular shops and vendors once I’ve been convinced that the rates are okay and the quality of the stuff I buy is worth the price. When my kids were small and would readily and happily wear clothes I bought for them , I would do all their shopping from a particular shop in Shankar Market in Connaught Place. For one thing it was convenient to go there from my office during the lunch hours and moreover I was quite satisfied with the fabric, design and prices they offered. I was their regular customer for many years having two kids with an age gap of eight years.
Well I have similar propensities when it comes to shopping for vegetables from the local weekly bazaar. I don’t have the patience to go asking for the prices and sorting through the vegetables on a dozen different carts before deciding what to buy from whom. I usually have my itinerary all chalked out and settled, .onions and potatoes from one vendor, tomatoes from another guy who has his cart at one corner, lemon, green chillies, mint leaves and sweetcorn from the fellow who has his wares spread out in between the one selling spices and another selling spinach and other leafy vegetables and so on. Having bought what I need, I get straight back home without usually trying to find out whether the stuff was being sold cheaper elsewhere. As I said, I settle for a few regular stops after having established a feeling of rapport or trust that I wouldn’t be cheated , being a regular customer and all that.
Every thing was going on fine till a couple of months ago, when after buying lemons, beetroots and sweet corn , I was walking ahead and just for the heck of it I asked another chap selling similar stuff for the prices of each of those items and I got so infuriated when I realized that I had just paid almost double the price for all of them. I went back promptly and questioned the vendor. After fumblingly explaining about making a mistake etc. he returned some money to me. But he had lost me then and there. If it was only on one item , I would’ve granted him the benefit of doubt. But this was too much, I told myself.
For the past few weeks , I have been deliberately avoiding him. Not just that, I also make it a point to stroll by very casually , making sure he notices me , stopping by at the next cart etc. just to let him know that I was really and properly offended with him. I am not at all sure he cares two hoots . I guess the only person I was trying to avenge was myself.
Because what was really making me angry was the fact that I had let myself be taken for a fool. . I should’ve been more aware and not depended just on some instinctive conclusions which was not necessarily appropriately or justifiably arrived at and I now realize that it wasn’t a question of forgiving that guy. It was more of forgiving myself, which I should start doing now.
So come next Saturday, I’ll probably walk up to this vendor and buy lemons and mint from him again. So I’ll lose a little face now. So what? I’m already feeling better 🙂
Notes Along the Path
June 17, 2011 at 8:26
What a truly reflective post. I love posts in which we writers share our growing experiences. Perhaps a bit painful for us, but helpful to the ones who read them because we humans have so much in common. Your writing is poetic, Nadira. I hope you keep at it.:)